J is for Journey
Dooon't stop, belieeeevin'!!!
Okay, no, not that kind of Journey. Heh!
Cliché time! Life's a journey, not a destination.
Seriously, I am tired. At forty-six years old, I thought I'd finally found the cruising lane. Raise my kid, get him off to college and adulthood, then I could sit back and relax with my husband to enjoy what came next.
Wrong. So wrong on SO many levels.
The higher power I believe in decided that a HUGE-MONGOUS life change was in order. Traction on your writing career? Nah, let's let sales tank. Confidence that you have a solid marriage? Hell no! Let's let fifteen years crumble away like the edges of a sink hole. How about some illness for your Mom? Sure! Let's drag her into this mess. And for the cherry on top? MENOPAUSE! Whooo hooo! How's that for challenge?
I feel like instead of just coming to a fork in the road where I need to quietly contemplate which direction I might want to go in, my life has been launched into outer space, into an asteroid field, with squadrons of alien craft swarming around shooting that green shit at me.
Serpentine! Serpentine! Serpentine!
Swerve left, turn right. JUMP!!!
If not for the adrenaline dump created by fear, anxiety, and depression, I might have just curled up and died. Thankfully, my sense of self-preservation took over and I have met each challenge head on. I haven't always done it with complete dignity or grace, but I've muscled my way through.
This new journey I'm on is completely unknown to me at this point. What I'm realizing, though, is that I can make it what I want it to be. I can fill my days with love and beauty and joy. I don't have to obsess on the hate and ugliness and pain. When I'm faced with an issue, instead of sighing and shaking my fists at the universe, I can say, how will I overcome this one?
Yeah, yeah, easier said than done. I'm still seeing a lot of fist shaking in my future, but it won't last forever. I'm confident of that too.
April 12, 2017