It's taken far too long to my way of thinking, but at long last, the magic is returning.
Words are making their way onto the page and I'm not just automatically deleting them. I'm no longer X'ing out of Word and clicking "do not save." No more ripping sheets of paper from notebooks and balling them up for cat toys.
I am writing again. Thank you, Universe. It feels so good.
I don't know that I truly believed in my heart that I was done writing for good. I worried about it. I obsessed over it. I wept tears for the voice I thought had been silenced. Even if I did think I believed it, the forces out there that manage things had other ideas.
Once again, I was being taught the lesson of patience. I needed to clear out all of the dead weight in my mind in order for the light to shine in. I had to stop letting worthless, useless thoughts (and people) rent space in my head so that I could make room for all the stories and ideas waiting in my heart. My heart needed time to heal from the trauma and tragedy I thought my life was doomed to be.
And so now I am writing again. I'm so excited most of the time that I can't focus on which story I want to tell. I can't decide whose voice is the loudest of all the characters shouting in my inner ear. I don't know which way to go with whatever story playing like a movie in my brain. But I love the indecision and chaos and lack of direction right now. It's exhilarating and powerful! It's filling me with hope.
A very wise Goddess said to me just yesterday, "Your emotions are connected to the fantasy. Maybe it's time for a reality that's BETTER than the fantasy." As far as my personal life goes, absolutely. In regards to my writing life, let the fantasies rain down!
August 2, 2017