I have been on a writer's retreat for the last two days and today begins the third and final one for making the magic happen. I can't get over how many words and ideas I've managed to get on paper since I got here. I'm so grateful. It makes the money spent so well worth it. I've also rediscovered my love of writing by hand and V-ball, fine point pens. Haha!
I can feel the positive energy that is in the future, and all around me now. A simple ten minute discussion with my fellow creatives finally allowed me to give birth to my pen name and now that she's here, she is RARING to go! She is helping me to remember how to craft the stories. She is encouraging me to know that if I can write the words, I can put them together into a book. And together, we can publish and sell that book.
Realistically, I think I knew all along that my pen name was going to offer me a serious escape from the worries and woes of my own life. Now that she's on the loose in my head, I feel it in addition to knowing. She will be able to express all of the thoughts and ideas I don't feel that I can, without hurting or offending people. She will be my alter ego. I'm going to have to learn what her voice is and make sure it never sounds too much like my own! Haha!
I see the future as brighter now. Full of stories and make believe and fun. It doesn't have to be so scary because the hard work I envisioned before is going to be work I enjoy rather than tolerate. I don't have to be afraid anymore. I can be happy.
When I was making my coffee this morning, I was thinking to myself: I'm just not sure I want to stay until 9:00 p.m. tonight, our agreed upon checkout time. I always have a moment or two when I'm away from home where I yearn for my own bed, my own couch, my own things. But then I remembered the almost ten thousand words I've been able to get out of my head in the last two days and knew that if I went home early, the flow of words would most likely stop. I would fall into old habits and patterns of distraction and the creative wave I've been riding would fall flat.
So I will stay. All morning, afternoon, and evening. I will immerse myself in any idea that floats into my head for as long as it lasts. I will edit my current projects that are about as close to ready to go as a project can be. I can work on my covers. I can brainstorm ideas for stories to write with my son, who has finally shown an interest in writing with me. I can move forward. I can GO! I CAN BE!
Freedom. No ties. No boundaries. No limits. Not till the end of the day.
I'll get home tonight and take a long, hot shower. I'll play with my kitties. I'll sleep in my own bed. I'll relax and look back on this weekend with joy and gratefulness for all the opportunities it afforded me.
But for the rest of the time I have, I will pants it. I'll go wherever the creative flow takes me. One moment to the next, I'll ride the wave and throw my hands up in the air and scream, "WHEEEEEEE!"