I need to talk to you. You’re really closed up tight right now and it’s pretty important that you open back up. And fast. If you don’t, things will get really bad. I know you already think that things are really bad, but Goddess keeps pointing out that they aren’t and you don’t seem to be listening.
It’s okay that you’re hurting and all at once weeping and raging. You’ve got every right. What you’ve been through is pretty shitty. But if you don’t get a handle on things, the hinges to the doors on you will rust shut.
You cannot let that happen. There is far too much joy in your son and fun with your friends to be had. You've got your stories to tell, adventures to experience, and love to give. If you can’t be open to it and accepting of love to come in, you won’t be able to set it free to the people who need it.
It’s been a difficult lesson, but I know now that you can’t just close up for a little while till you feel better. Every minute that you’re closed only makes it more difficult to reopen. So please, please find a way back to the light and love waiting for you, before it’s too late.
And the Heart responds…
Shut the fuck up. What could you possibly know about my pain? You aren’t the one who got broken or
stabbed. You’re up there floating around in your brain juice telling everyone else what to do.
How would you feel if you got told you weren’t good enough? How would you cope when the person you put all your hope and faith into betrayed and dumped you and continues to lie to you? I bet you’d want to shut off too.
Come to think of it, there was a time not too long ago when you refused to send the hunger messages to Stomach and Body dropped about forty pounds. Was that appropriate? No, but I guess I have to admit it wasn’t bad. By the way, could you start doing that again? Body is chubbing back up.
I also recall the afternoon you spent staring at the television for over six hours watching those stupid Twilight movies, practically drooling on yourself in your stupor. You could have been writing or working or doing something productive. So don’t lecture me on closing down and all of its perils.
I need some time. I need to spew and rage and do damage. It’s the only way I can purify myself so that one day love can come back in. Don’t worry about the output, though. That never stops. You seem to have forgotten that it’s a naturally occurring phenomenon that started when Body pushed out that kid. What’s his name? Oh yeah, Rowan. His DNA is still running rampant and it’s the door stopper that makes sure mine never closes.
Mind your own business, Head. I’ll start gushing rainbows and butterflies and all that happy crap when I’m good and ready. You can busy yourself with writing and leave me be.